Adieu

It's time to bid adieu to all the 4 years I spent at IITM, to suffice myself with the memories I made in the time span and move on. Four years - it is such a wonder how the time flew. But I distinctly remember how there were days when I wished the 4 years just got over. People who made me wish to extend this period of life for longer and those that made me think otherwise. Work I cherished and that which I disliked thoroughly and many of shades in between. Such myriad of feelings, experiences, interactions and all have a definite place in my mind forever.

Forever is a heavy word. I cannot say I will remember every second I felt happy here, only that I will remember the most distinct events. And those I can count on my fingertips. But the heavy lessons I learnt, the stumbling blocks and the emotional turmoil I went through sometimes just never get erased. Maybe I am masochist for revisiting those times regularly and wondering what I did wrong or how those could have been handled better, but I do not seriously regret doing that.

This time has to rank prime in shaping me. What I am today, I wouldn't be same without the experiences here. I have learnt to temper mysef, behave in the required ways. There is a definite cynical edge to my outlook now - I dunno whether it is a positive or a negative turn. Many things are left to be learnt, many character flaws to be corrected. Certainly I have also added on some jagged ends, but what the heck. Most amazing of all is I can't imagine myself having been different earlier. Maybe all this was waiting to come out of me at the opportune moment. It must have been e all along. Or as some one said, we don't suddenly change, it is all latent.

Welcoming '08

Happy New Year '08.. This year comes along with promises of ending a stage in my life- the studies part, and taking on huger responsibilities and truly going on out there to stand on my two legs. I just can't wait for it to start!! [:)]..

Well I have made some resolutions that I hope to remember beyond the heat of the moment. Here's to the new year with gusto!! Good luck me, and to you and to all those out there!!

Someone's Resume!!

I need a job and I need it bad,
I can do lots of stuff,
plus I promised my dad.

My cars needs new tires,
not to mention it's out of gas,
I gotta do something soon,
or I'm out on my ass.

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English;

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present
the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

And some more interesting points...

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine
In pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it
out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

If Dad is Pop, how come! Mom isn't Mop?

he he he...cool isnt it....

-----Anonymous

some information i found in a stranger's profile!

Why English Is So Difficult

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Me - a mind reader?

Oh! I wish I were one. Surely then, I would know for certain what's going on in the other persons head. You see, I am talking about my inner-most desire -- to be a mind reader. True, I am obsessed with any thing that can give me insights into the complex working of the human mind- psychology or astrology.

I read a lot of psychology books, envy people who have it as their profession. But I guess psychology is not something that is taught only in educational institutions. We don't get exposed to psychology for the first time in the class room like we do to Navier Stokes Equations! It is more a gut feeling and something familiarity and experience teach you. See you don't need someone to explain what your parents or siblings think when they behave the way they do. You know what you did wrong, when you pressed the wrong button. And without verbal exchange you can easily rectify and put their mind at ease. Call it what you want- manipulation? Maybe. But I think we always strive to keep our close one's happy and most important of all, ourselves happy. So, all the more better if you can predict what the other wants and give it to them. It seems a good way to clear out differences too.

Now I often wonder, why can't I use this properly with my friends? Aliens they are not. But something goes seriously wrong and wham! The disaster strikes. I don't know how to breach the gap. Nothing I do or say eases the tension. And especially when I pride myself for my great psycho studies, it reflects badly. Sometimes I think I get it all right, I am reading the signs properly, but maybe I miss nuances of their feelings. May be I don't want to hear them. But once I realize that what I tried so hard to ignore is what is truly felt, it pains like hell. But I still vouch for sensitivity. Just remove the stupidity, I tell myself.

Now viewing it detachedly, it's a blessing in disguise when you are acutely tuned to other person's thought processes. It's like your in their head and can read between the lines to decode the catches in their speech. But your optimism that everything is rosy and good won't hold too long when the hypocrisy is no more unnoticeable. There is no problem when you are a dumb believer of whatever people tell you. Everything seems just right because people have perfected the art of honey dipped speech. No problem when you are too astute to trust anyone. They either won't bother with you or it's the other way round. But you're a goner if you are mid-way. You somehow feel what is going on and can distinguish the undercurrent of thought from what you are hearing. Simultaneous processing or delayed processing. But somehow the latter is beneficial as your delayed reaction would get you all gooey at a later time, in the privacy of your room maybe. What ever it is, you feel hugely let down. Betrayed, more by thought than action. Has it not been said that thought matters more than action?

You can't take it if your closest friend thinks differently from what he is saying. You don't want to hear, "Maybe you are expecting too much." when it was the first ever favor you asked of your long time friend. You don't want to know that your beloved is patiently bearing your stupidity and clumsiness just because you help him out in his work maybe. Surely he can't say you are more of a service agent than an object of affection and love. Maybe he can't get rid of you because there is no spark, but you are helpful and he can't lose you. Your boss may not like you but he shows that only when you are in line for promotion otherwise he seems to adores you. You surely don't want to know his reason. When my friends and I share our feelings, such above and many more cases come up. We agree it is not our fault. Just that when its you, people feel like hating you on sight while they give somebody else a fair chance. All the same, we can't understand why someone would be tolerant of someone new more than some time-tested friend of the yore. Maybe it is best we left such disturbing facets of the other fellow's psyche and stopped being disillusioned. That way we could save a lot of heart-ache and be at peace at least. We can't change others, so why not change our attitude and stop wondering why. Take them and their feelings with a pinch of salt and leave it at that. Think of people who care for you, who mind your feelings and value you. It does no good to your ego to hang around the one person who treats you like trash when others, who truly matter are waiting around. Don't do what hurts you to others. They won't wait too long for you to come to your senses maybe. After all, when we are worried about population explosion, there are enough other people!

We have to let go of many things to remain happy. Nobody is answerable to you and neither are you. It was right when someone said, "Two things in life you must forget- the good you do unto others and the bad they did to you." You should ask yourself "Can I live life without expecting others to be nice to me just because I was nice to them first?" That's the secret to a happy life. Well this too is from psyche analysis. But wise utility that! [:)]

Expressions, Impressions and Beliefs

Of course I make instant judgement of a person once i speak to them. But there are those people who leave an impression even with a passing look. I have seen variety in looks and expressions since ages but never do they fail to interest me. Not now, not ever. But it has been one interesting journey from the time i came to my institute.I have developed a completely different perspective about why and how. Apparently there need be no reason. But I believe firmly that everything happens for a reason. So why an exception here?

There is that look which shouts at you "I hate you". One which says "okay so you exist?". Another says "Interesting!". Yet another says, too blatantly "Oh.. I admire you..Seee my tongue hanging out?" :P Oh! what diversity we can generate just by combining our brows, mouth and our nose in different angles. Some of the above are downright insulting and others ridiculous. But there are those mild expressions which convey a little, you know the tip of the iceberg which is their feelings. Few more are blank- now I like these. I have tried to put one up on my face innumerable times. But heavens forbid if I succeed. Nature seems to be conspiring against my well-being. Huh! Care I do, but i will die before admitting that.

Now I shall put across some true reasons behind these. That they are my own opinions is of secondary importance. Right? To start with , there are people out there who are so darned egoistic that they fail to compromise, understand or bend their opinions even in face of contrasting situations. Take for example a Mr.A who i know for 5 years. Okay he is an achiever in what ever shit we all are doing. So? Doesn't mean he shouldn't listen to others who are far below him in grades, even when they are saying the right thing. Maybe for all we know the other guy is a superb achiever in another field. Just that what's on his plate right now doesn't fit him right. What ever they do is right always. Wonder how?

Then there are those people who maintain such outrageous beliefs that i never cease being dumbfounded. They are right always and lack the manners to acknowledge the other person's contribution.

There are those who keep asking favours of you and turn away when its their chance.

And few others leave aside their work and keep pleasing others.When will they realise they can never please another human?

Some don't understand that they are unwelcome and keep pestering and annoying until the person loses his temper or manners. And then they complain.Believe me it's true.

Some can't seem to have enough confidence in them. They need constant pushing and buttering to believe in themselves. For God's sake, you did it, please believe you did it right. Even if it's wrong, what's the loss? It's a long life and you can make enough mistakes.

Oh yeah.There are those who can't control their lavish praise. They keep bestowing it even when not required.

I can't seem to remember others right away, but I assure you there are others.

You can always adjust to these, but sometimes you get totally undeserved treatment or are let down badly or your hopes are belied and aspirations dashed. You fail to understand what you did wrong, where it went off-tangent. You want to scream out "Idiot! Use your head and change measures from person to person." Yes, I think that is the only way we can execute fair treatment to all. Give everyone a chance. What ever your reservations about others or your own experiences, keep an open mind. Only a fool can trust some one even when belied once. Make wise decisions and don't get influenced but listen to everyone. Keep good will around. It affects you too!

Three things in life once gone never come back-words,oppurtunity,time
Three things in life are never sure-dreams, success,fortune
Three things in life that make you a great person-hard work,sincerity, success
Three things in life are most valuable-love, self respect, friends
Three things in life must not be lost-peace,hope, honesty
Three things in life that destroy a person-greed, pride,anger.

Do Read This!!

This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors and its customer-care executive.

This complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

"This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of ice cream for dessert after dinner each night.
But the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem.

You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds: "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?" "

The Pontiac President was understandably sceptical about the letter, but sent an engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighbourhood.

He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream hat night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start. The engineer returned for three more nights.

The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start. Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream.

He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: he jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc. In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to
buy vanilla than any other flavour. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavour, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavours were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavour. Now, the question for the engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time.

Once time became problem - not the vanilla ice cream, the engineer quickly came up with the answer: "Vapour lock". It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavours allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapour lock to dissipate.

Remember: Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution with a cool thinking.

Don't just say its "IMPOSSIBLE" without putting a sincere effort...

Observe the word "IMPOSSIBLE" carefully... You can see "I'M POSSIBLE".

What really matters is your attitude and your perception.

Too exact to be refuted...

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real


there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling/I can't seem


to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real

discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
distracting/reacting
against my will I stand beside my own reflection
it's haunting how I can't seem...

to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing confusing what is real

there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing what is real
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling/confusing what is real

Do ghosts exist??

Something i guess everyone wonders..But why am I wondering about such a thing?May be the influence of the novel i read recently.In the book "The Ghost" a distraught man is brought back to reality and is re-affirmed of the importance and truth in love and destiny by a ghost.The ghost of Sarah Ferguson who herself has some great romantic tale after some major crisis in her life.The story brings to light various other points i could discuss in detail and bore you stiff.

However first things first.Let me research and blabber about"GHOSTS". Some say there should essentially exist an anti-thesis to God and this makes satan's existance ineluctable.And their theory seems to have wightage.And as satan takes the form of ghosts and other terrifying things (they claim, im no doctorate in ghosts and black magic), their existance is explained.
Yet others claim that there can only be an idealized world as the basis and experiences of vices and ghosts is just an abberation , a hallucination.

But Plato back then had said that every thing in this world is just an image of the idealized world ,something once taken from reality. So should we say these "abberations" are merely a reflection of satan and that they are just as real as any God in case either exists?Someting which suits J.K.R's description of "One can't exist while the other survives".(Nice application dear!!pat,pat!!).

As i think i find an even better argument: the bad or evil we all experience is just a culmination of the absence of good in that instance.Remember the email circulating proving the existance of GOD?The same argument is employed here.This also bring afore the question of black magic, vodoo and all.But answering may take time..and im running short of the same...so i shall continue my blabber later...

u read this crap??Jobless like me kya??[:P]

Football fever!!

I had not been much of a football fanatic(that's an extreme description even now) all the time.My first world cup was in my 10th or when was it??My dad just found the right argument to stop me watching my soaps and hand over the remote to him and that was the beginning.I had stayed awake then too for the final(im planning on it this time...) and some good matches.My dad used to give me constant commentary with all the side and intersting comments about the players and about his schooltime play.Back then i used to like the players with the best style statements or those whose photoes kept splashing over all papers.Guess it continues now too but may be in a refined sort of way.Seems im in love with Zidane now!!

How i envy my friends in Germany.Those in Russia seem to be heading there too.God only knows how they are managing it.Damn it.Right place at the right time.Wishing France all the best...Obviously i want to see Zidane lift the cup..Dad says its not such a good team after all...Hope he is proved wrong....[;)]..my mischevious self again..!

Short story...

Here'z me trying my hand at story writing.Guess its very arbit but then i loved the idea of it being incomplete.

He comes back home with a slightly disgruntled look about him.Seems frustrated and edgy.I dont disturb him,give him water and leave him to refresh himself. I dont let the turmoil in my heart show on my face or in my behaviour.For what could i say when there was no hope left?

Hurts to know it is the end.Even worse is hiding the fact that i know.But there had been no scope for doubt and it was proved beyond doubt. So there i was wondering what could possibly be troubling him and fighting down the urge to comfort him.It was the very reason cited for the trouble as it is.

Maybe i should leave.I am unable to contemplate what the course of action should be.Taking the easy way out?But there is no easy way out according to me.Both are having their impact on me.Leaving?Or continuing here?Both seem to be detrimental to my welfare.And my peace of mind.Time alone shall decide.I hope my strength of endurance lasts.

Rush hour

It starts with one thing.I dont know why but i decided to utilise my holidays and here i am..tired from the gruelling journey back home at this late hour.

Uuffoo!!how trying it is to travel by bus during peak hours!!There is hardly any standing space what with all the people in a hurry to get back home and being as unaccomodating as possible.Its kind of wierd how people think they could still fit into that space which they consider available.Maybe its just the need to get to their destination.Or maybe just the time factor.Or maybe just for the heck of it.

Inevitably the picture of Mumbai rails comes into mind...wonder how they manage to get down at their station when people keep hanging at the doorstep itself.Some one i know said once that people stand at the entrance of the compartment just to ensure geting down at their destination.And half the time they dont manage it.

Enuf crap!!Catching some sleep now...

The post below speaks for itself.Its time i think we stopped and considered.

thru the looking (thinking) glass...

I think I'm losing it..i don't have the will power i had a while ago.i promised myself not to think about a few things, but they seem to manifest themselves every turn i take.how can someone avoid what has become a part of themselves?a part that is so essential for survival of that personality?a part which hides and also brings into fore the very best of that person?something which is so necessary for the sanity of the person-without which they cant envision life or any further dealings with mankind?

your mind knows that saying a NO is the only answer-but your heart keeps wavering.such a fickle thing it is!the heart sees through the drama unfolding around as does the mind.but the mind has the facilities of thinking straight and discretion.the mind cannot keep attachments while they are primal heart's existence.well i hope u get what i mean-the heart as u feel it ..not the one that keeps pumping blood mechanically.how i wish the heart too performed its activities mechanically -like a robot.why cant these feelings cease to exist?why should the heart take things so seriously, think upon them so much and hurt itself?cant it just behave like a passenger in a train looking at the passing scenery?the heart doesn't like to hurt itself -as Paulo Coelho put it..but my experience shouts the opposite-that's only what the heart is capable of-inflict pain on itself and the person who wears it on his sleeve.the mind can compartmentalize things and prioritize them.it has use only for things becoming of attention.how i wish the heart and mind worked together-for then the person could be impassionate and aloof...but then how can they when the heart and mind stay at right angles(?) to one other.
so many questions...

i need answers...desparately..